You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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