careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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