I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I believe in your delicious
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
