textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
