I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
