it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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