he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
