well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
