he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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