Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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