I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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