Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
