If i come over, it means nothing
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
