Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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