my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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