i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
