Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
