his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
