I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
