She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
