Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
