there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
