Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
