if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
