Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
