i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
