we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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