dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
