btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
