i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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