So drunk its hurt
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
