So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize