I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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