no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
