i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
