Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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