The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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