I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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