I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
