Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
