Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
