better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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