you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is not my ceiling
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
