I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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