Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
