You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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