i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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