Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
