I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This gyro tastes like lonliness
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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