Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
