my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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