Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
