if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
