so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
