Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
