walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
