My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
