Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
