we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
