so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
