Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
