Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize