I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
