It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize