She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
