my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
