I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize