Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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