too bad you live with your parents still
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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