haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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