If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
