our cab driver is having phone sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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