I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
